Hammer Time

Want to look extremely manly and show your Carolina fandom simultaneously? Then I would encourage you to STOP!


Because it's hammer time.

The Story Behind the Object

I'm not a handyman. It's just not a talent I was born with or skill I've acquired. Not long ago I recognized all on my own that the toilet in our upstairs bathroom needed a new flapper (disclaimer: what I don't know is if at the time I discovered this fact it had been in need of replacement for six minutes or six months). So I went to Home Depot, found the plumbing aisle with no assistance, bought the replacement flapper, came home, and installed it in less than five minutes. It may be the first home "repair" project I've ever performed that went smoothly from start to finish. And it was a toilet flapper. And I'm 33 years old.

There have been other, less smooth projects. Not long after we moved into our current house, I decided to install built in cabinets in the bonus room. After months of searching, I found two (previously bathroom) cabinets at the Habitat Restore that measured as the perfect size for where I wanted them. A little paint, some sanding, new knobs, and a one inch thick piece of plywood across the top of each of them, and I was ready to move them from the garage to the bonus room. Four frustrating days later, the task was finally complete. I'll spare you the details of how "out-of-square" corners in a room make cabinet installation in said room a task thought up by the devil himself, but trust me when I say they do.

More recently, I attempted to quickly install some new shelving in our garage. I stripped two screws in my first two attempts, and a 30 minute project turned into a two hour ordeal. Did I mention I was using my neighbor's drill because I burnt mine out mounting a TV on the wall after Christmas?

I say all that just to emphasize my original statement. I'm not a handyman. But despite that, I do own a Tar Heel hammer. And let me tell you, this is one heavy duty hammer. If you're not careful, this hammer will send a nail right through a wall, all the way to the floor of the room next door, leaving a gigantic, gaping hole in the sheet rock in the process. (That's right, I know what sheet rock is, and I’m amazingly not speaking from first hand experience about the gaping hole!) But this is a hefty hammer. A colossal, monster, whopper of a hammer. I think it's probably more intended for hammering shingles than hanging pictures. In fact, I actually have a smaller, lighter, less manly hammer that I use to hang pictures.


Carolina Collectibles Description

The head of this hammer has an interlocking NC on it, and the shaft says "North Carolina Tar Heels." (I have a long held belief that any sentence with the word “shaft” in it is perfect for a "that's what she said" joke, but the previous one seems to call that theory into question.) The coolest part is the grip, which looks like a football. It may be genuine pigskin, in fact. I mean, it's probably rubber, but you never know. It even has laces to help you hold on while you're swinging this massive steel headed hammer. Though the laces are on the inside instead of the outside, so apologies to Ray Finkle.

Carolina Collectibles Comparison: Jeff Crompton

If you've never heard of him, Jeff (or Geoff, or Geff) played basketball for the Heels in the mid-70s. Prior to his senior year, when he appeared in 27 games, Crompton was used sparingly due to weight (and academic) issues. That's pretty much how I use this hammer - sparingly, due to its weight. To my knowledge the hammer has no academic issues, but Pack Pride also hasn't leaked its transcript online, so I can't say for certain.

Carolina Collectibles Rating: 3 Stars

If you are a builder or a roofer, this might be a five star product. For a regular guy such as myself, I'm going to give it a three. It looks really cool, but honestly it has a smidge too much power. I could literally snap a one inch nail in half with a single left handed swing. Maybe part of that is because if I swing with my left hand I'll hit the nail at an awkward angle, but more so because it's just really heavy. And since I'm not a builder or a roofer, I can't confidently evaluate this as a five star hammer. There may be some amazing (or even basic) hammer feature that I'm totally unaware of that this one lacks.